| Chapter 6 LAWS RELATING TO A BRIDE
The Duties of A Jewish Bride We preface this chapter with a touching appeal from a G-d-fearing Jewish mother to her daughter, a bride; "My beloved child! With great delight I carried you beneath my heart. I raised you in happiness despite hundreds of hardships, through joy and through sadness, through struggle and suffering, until the Creator, with His loving-kindness, has brought us to the happiest moment of your life. Now, after all the motherly fears and anxieties, you have reached the joyful day of your wedding. For all I have sacrificed on your behalf, my dear child, I ask something in return.
Fulfill your duties and responsibilities as a truly Jewish daughter with sincerity and with love! Preserve our family's traditional purity according to the Torah. Do not destroy our venerable and multi-branched family tree with sacrilegious hands. Never, never, deviate from the lofty and sacred laws of family life prescribed and ordained by the Al-mighty. Let your conscience never be burdened with the sin of forbidden intimacies. With such behavior you will preserve and nurture our family tree and insure its future healthy blossoming and bring satisfaction to the Al-mighty. With motherly tears, I make this appeal to you, sweet child, and I assure you that the Creator will reward you with His bountiful blessings for you, your husband,, and your children." 1. Every mother must teach her daughter who is engaged to be married all the Nidah laws in detail and especially to explain thoroughly how to make the prescribed examinations. False modesty should not deter her from this duty, for failure to teach her daughter could have a grave effect and raise questions on the purity of her daughter's marital relations with her husband and on the future of the children she will bear. If, for some reason, she is unable to teach her daughter personally, she must arrange that another woman do so.
The duty of the bride 2. Before her wedding, every bride - even if elderly (after menopause), even if clean - must don white after making a thorough examination (Chapter 2), and count seven clean days (Chapter 3). If she found herself clean during all seven days, she must bathe in a bath tub and make all other preparations according to the regulations delineated above (Chapter 4). Then she must perform Tviloh in a kosher Mikvah as explained above (Chapter 5). The entire procedure for a bride is identical to that of a married woman with the exception that a bride need not wait five days prior to donning white, but rather, as soon as her bleeding and staining cease, she is permitted to don white. A virgin bride should insert the examination cloth very slowly, lest she impair her virginity.
When may the bride don the white 3. The bride cannot don the white before she knows the date scheduled for her wedding. The donning should be done on such a date that the seven clean days which follow will terminate shortly before the wedding day, because the Tviloh should be as close to the wedding day as possible. In any case, the Tviloh should not precede the wedding by more than four,days. If, for instance, the wedding is on a Sunday, the Tviloh may not take place before the previous Wednesday night. After the Tviloh, she must examine - herself daily until the wedding. If the wedding was postponed during, or after, the Clean Days 4. If the wedding was postponed during the seven clean days or even after the Tviloh, if it was subsequently rescheduled (even to its original date), a Rabbi must be consulted to determine whether the days already counted are still valid, because this decision depends on the individual circumstances that caused the postponement.
When may the bride perform the Tviloh 5. If the seven clean days end before the wedding day so that the Tviloh takes place a day or two before the wedding, then the Tviloh and all the accompanying preparations may be made after the seven clean days - on the eighth day - even during the day time in accordance with all the aforementioned laws (Chapters 4 and 5). If, however, the seven clean days end after the wedding day making it necessary for the Tviloh to take place after the wedding, the Tviloh must be made at night only, just as in the case of every married woman.
6. If the seventh day coincides with the day of the wedding, the proper time for Tviloh depends upon whether it will be made before or after the Chupah, the wedding ceremony. If the Tviloh is performed before the Chupah, then, if absolutely necessary, it may be performed by day - but only after it is surely daytime, not before daybreak. In this event, the Chupah must be held after dark. Should the Tviloh take place after the Chupah, however, then the Tviloh can be made only at night.
If the Tviloh takes place after the wedding day 7. If the Tviloh takes place after the wedding, then from the time of the Chupah until after the Tviloh, all the Nidah separation laws (see Chapter 8) must be strictly observed by the newlyweds. Furthermore, the newlyweds may not be alone together in a room or an apartment either during the day or at night, until after the Tviloh. It is customary in such a case, for the bride to be accompanied in the room by a young girl and the groom by a young boy. A Rabbi should be consulted concerning the proper age of these children.
Setting the wedding date 8. It is very important and necessary to ensure as far as possible that the wedding date be set for such a time that the bride will be able to count the seven clean days and perform Tviloh before the wedding, and thereby be clean at the time of the Chupah. If possible, the wedding date should not be too near her next expected period.
Separation after the first intimacy and donning the white afterwards 9. If the bride is a virgin, the groom must separate from her immediately after the first intercourse, for she is considered a Nidah - whether or not there was bleeding. All the laws of separation (see Chap. 8) take effect immediately. (if no blood was perceived and there is doubt whether the intercourse can Halachically be regarded as such, a Rabbi should be consulted.) After the first intercourse, she may don the white on the fourth day, before evening; she need not wait till the fifth day as other married women. If the examination cloth shows that she is completely clean, she can start counting the seven clean days. (That night with the next day is counted as the first day, as mentioned previously.) If there was bleeding at the second intercourse,, she must ask a Rabbi when to don the white. Every bridegroom must learn the laws of Nidah with a competent teacher, to know what to do and what to ask, lest he violate, G-d forbid, the serious laws of Nidah. Attention: We take this opportunity to point out that the sinful custom of going on a honeymoon immediately after the wedding is a serious breach of our sacred family laws. The couple takes this trip in order to be together and indulge in all sorts of entertainments together during the very time they must observe the strictest rules of separation. This is certainly a result of ignorance of the grave consequences of their actions.
Jewish men and women! We ask of you a little patience, self-restraint, and moral strength. If your heart is set on going, go later, after the newly married woman is clean again, and you are permitted, with G-d's blessings, to seek your happiness. |